I want to thank all of you for sharing our newlywed happiness, even if it highlights something left wanting in your own life. I want to thank you for allowing me to indulge in joyful outbursts of newlyweddedness, for restraining the eye rolling over my uber-sappiness, and for having patience with our friendship, as Bernát has become a bigger and bigger part of my life.
It's funny, sort of, how before I was married it seemed like everyone else already was. I mean I had other single friends, but we felt so much in the minority in our circles. Now, every once in a while I pause my jubilant exultations of newlyweddness and look around me. And there you are. And you. And you. And you. None of you have even once said anything to make me pity you or which made me feel somehow guilty for my own happiness. But somehow, I do feel sorry. And sad I can't literally share this happiness with you. I don't actually pity you. Who needs pity? But I burn a flame of hope for you in my heart, for your desires to be seen, met, or taken away according to God's plan. Though when I'm completely honest, I truly hope you can experience this same joy one day and I can't help hoping that is God's plan.
I want you to know that I don't take my husband for granted. Ah ha now you are rolling your eyes, because nobody for a moment of listening to my rejoicing newlywedded self ever thought that I was taking him for granted. But I mean it. I mean that I realize he is a gift I've done nothing to deserve. There was no one thing I did right to deserve this kind of happiness. There was no spiritual breakthrough of learning once and for all to be content and then Voila! a husband for me. There was no particular prayer I prayed except the ones you are also praying right now.
I want you to know I'll be honest with you. Some people can make their marriages out to be perfect and issue-less, which makes it seem ever more of an end-all, an all inclusive satisfying package for completing you as a person and giving your life meaning. It isn't. And I truly believe Christ completes me and brings my life true happiness. But on the other hand, who are we kidding? From our perspective life is better with someone than without anyone, no matter how we slice it. No matter how many people who seem to have the opposite problem of the aformentioned couples, tell you that you're better off. You know the ones whose marriages are just one big issue and they can't stop repeating, "Ok, but marriage is really hard work," even after you've told them you believe it and are actually becoming terrified at the thought of it. I'm pretty sure my marriage will go through seasons just like everyone else's does, but I'm praying even now for the grace just to let it be what it is in other people's eyes, and I hope I can both find and offer empathy to others who've gone through similar seasons.
I love seeing you living your life to the fullest. There is probably nothing I enjoy more than watching people be called out by God, to a higher purpose than their parents could have ever dreamed for them, for greater things than they themselves ever thought possible. As I myself serve the Lord in the way He has called me to, I love to see people living out God's calling and I love to encourage them as they many times have encouraged me. Some of you don't struggle with your singleness as much as others, but I hope in some way I can be there for you in that fleeting moment of loneliness. I'm so very glad you are able to see the purpose God has for you far above and beyond the purpose in marriage. It's strange really, that technically, in one day I went from the unmarried category to the married category. I really don't feel so very far from you. I love you all and my heart dreams with yours. As I close, I'm praying for you, and purposing to pray for you just a little bit more every day.
Ps...There's so much more I feel I want to say, but words are starting to feel like "just words". There are some of you who have experienced the happiness of love and lost it. I've been through hard break ups, but I can't understand fully what you've been through. I want you to know I'm attempting to hear you. Such an intense joy snatched away can only be intense loss. I'm thinking of you and praying for you too.